fuel subsidy removal

Contradiction is the Middle name of Sanusi Lamido.He revealed that 70% of Nigerians are living on $2dollars a day but want subsidy increase" not for nothing that Nigerians have been described as the happiest people on earth. It is not that they arebenumbed to pain and hardship, but they seem collectively wired with inexplicable capacity to not only weatherSubsidy Removal. through hard times and circumstances, they also make huge and hilarious jokes out of their misery either collectively or individually. And this was quaintly captured by the inimitable late Fela Anikulapo-Kuti in his epic piece, “Suffering and Smiling”. Nothing, it seems, knocks Nigerians down on their knees as to lose their sense of humour. Recall the devastating flood that hit Lagos last year. Nigerians, nay Lagosians, made sundry jokes out of the misery and losses suffered by the people. Last Sunday, the New Year day, the excitement associated with the celebrations was cut short with the mid afternoon “breaking news” announcement that the Petroleum Products Pricing Regulatory Agency (PPPRA) has finally removed the controversial subsidy on all petroleum products. It triggered a rash of reactions from the polity. Many rushed to the filling stations, just as many of the stations either quickly closed down their stations or pronto, adjusted the pump prices. Those who had no technicians to effect the price adjustment on the meters resorted to using calculators to calculate whatever the motorists bought. The prices hit the roof with some stations selling as high as N150 per litre, even when the PPPRA had announced a maximum cap of N141 per litre. Never mind that in a properly deregulated regime, prices cannot be fixed by anybody or agency. If it is deregulated, then it is open to the vagaries of market forces. But that is an aside. Within hours, cities had run into predictable commotion, as traffic snarl suddenly appeared. But even in such terrible and needless states, the social networks (Blackberry, Facebook, Twitter etc.) were already buzzing with various parodies and jokes on the removal of the fuel subsidy. Consider some of them: “Can Lamido Sanusi please return Bank PHB's licence? The bank, at least, promised us that one day cars will run on water!!! With petrol selling at N141 per litre, we need a bank like that. Please give us Bank PHB!!! And yet another person wrote and circulated that, “I heard GEJ's advisers told him that some people are fuelling the Boko Haram crisis so he decided to remove the subsidy to make it difficult for the sponsors to buy fuel to fuel Boko Haram? And in a conversation between two young lovers riding in a car, the following conversation ensues: Baby: Please put on the car A.C... Guy: Don't U think we should have a breath of fresh air instead?.. AC causes increased consumption of fuel. Girl: Sweetheart, pls take me to somewhere expensive this weekend. Boy: Okay, Let's go to the filling station. And yet another joke: Car snatched @ gun point; owner shouting "MY FUEL, Ah, ah, ah, my expensive f-u-e-l"... This seems to suggest that the fuel in the tank is even now more prized than the car itself. And this joke comes with a commercial niche: Note: Broadcast n Pings on my wall is NOT FREE anymore. It now costs N20 to post a Broadcast, N20 to Ping, N100 to view n copy my DP; since it now costs me N140/litre to fuel my generator to read your Broadcasts n Pings... Thanks for your cooperation... And still on the economic effect of the new price regime, consider the joke between a barber and his customer: Customer: How much you dey cut hair for here? Barber: Oga naa 100 naira with 'Nepa' but 800 Naira with Gen'! Customer: a beg flash me when Nepa bring light And playing on the locations in Lagos, this other joke bemoans, albeit jokingly, the “ordeal” lover boys around the Lekki axis of the city now have to go through dating a girl on the (Lagos) Island. Check it out: Dating a girl on the mainland is now confirmed long distance relationship for those living in Lekki. Toll+fuel. And still on relationships, possession of 20 litres of fuel is now considered a prized bait before which a girl is likely to accept the “toasting” from a guy. Consider these other short takes: •Guys and Artistes will start posing with 50kg of petrol in pictures and videos. •People who have gone to the village for holiday might not return. •My neighbourhood is dead silent not even 1 G£n£rator can be heard. •You can deposit your fuel at Zenith Bank, Guarantee Trust Bank or any bank close 2 you. •Bride price will cost a little higher now as it may even include 10 litres of petrol. See how happy new year just disappeared from everybody’s lips....its fuel subsidy...lets cee what it can cause: •Don’t be shocked if you get slapped for trying to burn a thief with petrol. •"Walk out" will be a popular thing among lovers. • No more accidents, it will be knee and ankle dislocations. Girl: I like going to expensive places, Boy: Meet me at Mobil filling station by 4. •QPR vs SWANSEA N200, BARCA vs REAL MADRID N1000 "If you see me trekking holla at your boy" Resident: what do you care for? Visitor: I'll take petrol.... Frank Edoho on who wants to be a millionaire will be like "d next question is for 50 litres of petrol” Witches and wizards will carry passengers at night at affordable prices. Most importantly, Jonathan will finally have the money to send his wife to nursery school. Fuel subsidy removal: Boko Haram claims responsibility. Subsidy don comot and dis wife is serving her husband wit ½ meat BREAKING NEWS: Stolen car found. Fuel tank empty!!! That’s the benefit of subsidy removal If he leaves the A.C running in the car when he runs out to get something from the store, he loves you. Marry him. Fuel subsidy is our punishment for laughing @ Jonathan’s wife Bob: Daddy, did you hear that they haff remove fuel subsidy? Father: Is that so? Bob: Yes Dad, the price is up to N150 per litre. What are your thoughts? Dad: Go and put off that generator! How come Not One SINGLE Nigerian Pastor Predicted this Fuel Subsidy at their Watch Nite Services yesterday Beer is N300, fuel is N141, Boys can’t afford to drink and drive… Abu: All these girls forming “I cannot push car”, GOD will catch you this period… Oguns : I’m helping Grandma sell stuff in her shop. I told her about fuel subsidy, she said in 2 weeks Nigerians would adapt. And to underscore how suddenly petrol has become a prized treasure which must be guarded jealously even with vicious dogs, there are grotesque pictorials featuring 25-litre gallon of petrol tied to a stake, and with a wild-looking dog stationed near it also, all to suggest that more like human beings and prized properties, dogs are now deployed in guarding even gallons of petrol. There are also pictorials of the return of camels and big rams as means of transport, as they do not need to be